Worst Way to Wake Up, EVER!
I uncharacteristically went to bed on the alarm clock side of the bed the night before (which is the only setup you need for the tragic events that follow). When the alarm clock did go off Monday the 15th at precisely 6:15am I didn’t immediately wake up, so my loving and caring wife had to…ahem…assertively call (yell) out my name while tenderly poking (jabbing) me in the back to rouse me from my dreamy slumber. Simultaneously, our tabby cat was pawing at my partially hidden elbow in an attempt to hasten the delivery of his breakfast. When I finally did wake up and roll over to turn off the alarm clock two things happened in quick succession:
#1 An exposed and sadistic pillow zipper managed to gouge a 6″ scratch down the right side of my face
and
#2 I quickly realized that the ENTIRE left side of my body was no longer connected to the area of my brain responsible for motor control
Adding to the debacle, I had inadvertently placed the paperback I was reading the night before OVER the alarm clock. Minutes passed as I tried to figure out what depraved creature would remove the buttons to one’s alarm clock before my sleep-slowed brain came to comprehend the situation. Unfortunately, after deciding on a course of action, my arm simply refused to do anything more than imitate a tingling Neanderthals’ club.
Now, I did eventually mange to turn off the alarm clock without injuring myself further, but this series of unfortunate events inspired the following:
Recipe for a Bad Morning (Guaranteed)!
1 Pinch 6:15am
1 (15lb) Hungry Feline
1/2 Paralyzed Body
1 Alarm Clock (with Paperback Defense Mechanism)
1 Sharpened Pillow Zipper
1 Zombie like Human
Directions: Mix well until desired bad temperament is achieved. Adjust mix time for day of week: More time for Friday’s, less for Mondays. Serves 1-2. Enjoy!
Tags: AHH, cats, debacle, house, mondays, mornings
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